1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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