May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
