Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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