I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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