Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
