No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
