ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
