You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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