After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
