His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
