I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.