You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.