Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize