I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...