Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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