found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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