the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
