Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
