I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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