I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
