In the future we'll all be gay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
