Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My vagina just recognized that song.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
