I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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