Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
