Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
