Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My life is pants optional.
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