To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
