I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
