no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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