Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
