He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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