My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
