i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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