im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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