But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
