You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
