I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
