Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
