After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
