I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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