I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
