You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize