I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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