She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
