i may or may not be watching the land before time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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