I will die if light touches me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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