I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
