Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
