I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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