She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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