I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
