ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
