would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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