I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
worst night to have a conscience
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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