so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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