I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize