Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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