woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
