I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize