It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
