We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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