it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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