Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
