Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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