Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
