Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
