the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
