did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
