Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
