he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
