Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
