At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
