I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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