took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
