After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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