She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
