I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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