I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
