Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
