I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
