capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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