I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
