I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
