The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
