I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
