quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
