I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize