I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
