I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
