atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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