OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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